Dear Guardian: thank you very much, we know Sentosa had a dark past. So what?

Photo by Hanson Lu on Unsplash

Watching the U.S. and North Korea plan the Trump-Kim summit on June 12 distinctly reminds me of [insert generic on-again, off-again couple from generic TV show].

There’s too much drama, and there’s not enough happening.

But of course, this time next week, Trump and Kim are expected to be in Singapore for their long anticipated summit. In Sentosa no less.

Sounds like fun. Maybe they can go to Universal Studios.

Of course, that’s big news. The fact that the summit is “back on” should be news enough.

Not big enough for some newspapers, apparently.

So our friends at The Guardian decided to spice things up with this title:

Screen Shot 2018-06-05 at 10.52.50 PM
Gee, thanks for calling our holiday resort the “Island of death from behind”.

I mean, okay. So maybe it is just one journalist who had too much time and wanted to document Sentosa’s history of massacres and mishaps, because that would make everyone’s day.

But then the BBC did it too. Of course their title was a little more neutral, but if you read the article, it literally describes every single major mishap that happened on the island.

I mean, do these newspapers have nothing better to do?

Maybe I’m too young to understand Sentosa’s history fully. And maybe I’m a little indignant that someone was paid money to go write about a billion accidents that happened years ago on a resort island in my home.

But of course, Sentosa isn’t the only island with such a dark history. Let’s look at headlines other people have used to describe other islands. (Note: I’m in satire mode right now. These titles aren’t real.)

  • “Island of prison, poison and pain”: dark past of Saint Helena, a resort with service so bad that the hosts there poisoned their guest of honour
  • “Island of animal genocide”: dark past of Mauritius, and yes, it probably wasn’t Mauritians who killed the dodos, but who cares?
  • “Island of tea-drinking, world conquering, insufferable Normans”: dark past of Great Britain, the island now trying to cause the rest of Europe grief
  • “Island of atomic disasters”: dark past of Honshu, the overpopulated island whose inhabitants are predicted to go extinct… in 3766
  • “Island of literal darkness, most of winter”: dark past of Greenland, the island who, thanks to summer in the Northern Hemisphere, has a bit of a brighter present right now
  • “Island home of Sauron”: dark past of New Zealand (but we’re not sure whether it was the North Island or the South Island), where we assume you can find the melted remains of the One Ring (because The Lord of the Rings was filmed in New Zealand so you can totally find both Sauron tower and Gollum’s remains in some crevice)
  • “Island of tall buildings which cast long shadows that are rather dark”: dark past of Long Island, where, seventy-plus years ago, a dude was born whose actions would lead to the present-day The Guardian headline, “‘Island of death from behind’: dark past of Sentosa, the Trump Kim summit venue”

Well, so sorry about that rant. I just thought some other islands needed their dark pasts pointed out. I mean, there are probably a few more that are a lot worse (or I could make them a lot worse), but let’s not. I’m done. But seriously, sometimes I think some journalists spend a little too much time writing about random things.

That’s what blogs are for.

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